Monday, October 10, 2011

Today Was the End of an Era...

WARNING: There'll be no discussion of makeup in this post...  This is not going to be a very happy post... Forgive me for posting this here... but I need to get this out. If you are uncomfortable with Discussions of death, please do NOT read any further.

Feel free to turn off the music. I just wanted to share a tiny piece of my Sweetest Boy and Myself....


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Today I lost my bestfriend. We had to put my Sweetest Boy, Hunter to sleep.

For twelve years of my life, I've had a dog, Hunter [aka Freddy]. For four of those twelve I've had a dog and a cat, Gizmo [aka Gizzy].

I never thought I'd ever be without him... But here I am holding my favorite collar of his, wishing he was woofing and grumping at me for taking too long to eat my part of the pizza, and give him the crust.

The little things I took for granted, that I said I was not going to miss about him, I do. I feel like such an ass for saying I wouldn't miss certain things about him...

I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from a super horrible nightmare, and my Freddy-lumpkins is going to be right there staring at me like, "Awe yew okee, Annie-kins?"

But the sad truth is, he's not ever going to be there ever again.

I even went out to the Garden, where he lays, facing the road so he can see the bicyclists, motorcyclists, and pedestrians, just to make sure he was actually there. In the ground. Guarding the tomatoes.

Yep... he's still there. My poor, sweet, perfect boy...

This was right after Bob came home. I feel horrible for myself... but words can't describe how horrible I feel for my brother. There really is no love stronger than a "Boy" and his "Puppy".

While my brother was Deployed in Iraq, he sent me an e-mail, asking me to sign for a package for Hunter.
He called me "Black-Ops Elf". Lol! In the package was a note he asked me to read to Hunter...
"Even on the other side of the planet, Sergeant Sandy-Claws didn't forget about his Boy."
I wrapped the bone and he got to tear it open on Christmas Eve of 2010.

I had my Senior Pictures taken with him back in '09 [I graduated in '10] and got into a fight with the year book people because I had a "prop" in my photo... I lost the fight and had to settle for a different one. So we got this one blown up to 8x10 and it's hanging in the living room.
He was... No... He still is my pride and joy.

That was when we first got him... and it explains him perfectly.
Always a puppy... and if he didn't have a ball- or a toy in his mouth, he was asleep.

I know my cat loved Hunter, so much... I think that my dog didn't like to show it, but he loved the stuffing out of Gizmo.

My boy, in December of 2010... god it's so hard to believe this was less than a year ago.

December, 2010. My gizmo was always glued to his side. The poor boy was glued to him untill the last bark was barked, the last growl was growled, the last bone had been demolished. Those two did everything together...

Hunter "Boston" Sus was about one and a half years old when we rescued him from Country Side Humane Society in December of 1999. His original name was Boston, and he was "Not good with small children". We showed them wrong.

 We brought him home on December 18th. He quickly won my grandpa's heart over and was deemed "Finest Fella". A few weeks later, and he had yet another nickname, "Turkey". Then, "Fred". But he's always been my "sweetest boy".

Nine years later and I rocked Freddy's world when I brought home an all black Cat, after a camping trip with a friend. Mom wasn't too happy, but when she discovered my baby boy, Gizmo, was all black, she was sold... and we had yet another addition to the family, who Hunter accepted and loved with all his big heart.

That's just how Hunter was. Hell that's how all dog's love. They don't care who you are or what you've done, if you haven't hurt them or their "Pack", and give good "scritches" they will love you, unconditionally.

He was always there for me and my siblings when we came home from school, little stubby tale wiggling so hard his whole rear end was wagging back and forth. He didn't care if we'd had a bad grade in a class, or had fought someone... He just knew that his "babies" were home and he had someone to play with.

My poor sweetest boy. He started having major issues with being able to walk- as my mom put it, he looked like a drunken sailor when he walked. His paws crossing infront of eachother, stumbling all over the place. So we had my grandpa come over and check him out. Things straightened out a little and he was okay on Friday night.

Saturday came and he was having issues again. He was stumbling around, falling all the time... He didn't want to eat, and then he tripped and clipped the wall really hardwith his right, rear leg and he started limping around.

Sunday morning and mom wakes me up around 9am to give me an update on fred. She told me that we were going to have our local Vet on Wheels come to the house on Monday morning to check him out and tell us what could be done... if anything at all. All of a sudden, my step-dad Joe came in and called her outside to look at Freddy. She came back in and told me straight up that my puppy was having a stroke and that there was no saving him.

So I went outside and curled up on the lawn with him for a few hours while freddy's closest- His Aunty Kris, Gram-paw, and his "boy" all came over to say their peace. He had another two strokes within as many hours after that.

The vet was here at 1:00 and my Sweet Boy was gone by 1:30. He was 13 3/4 years old. He lived four years longer than the average Rottweiler. When he was gone... it's truly amazing how young he looked... Almost like a puppy again, with a little gray grizzle going on in his muzzle area. He didn't look like he was in pain anymore.

As is tradition in the Sus family, we buried him ourselves, taking turns gently setting handfulls of dirt over him until we couldn't see the blue blanket that he's wrapped in anymore. And then we took turns with the shovel.

He's buried with his favorite pillow, his favorite blanket, his favorite toy: Bo-Bo, and finally, what was left of the bone that Bob had sent, all the way from Iraq- just the knuckle[the very end of the bone].

The world is a lesser and darker place now that freddy's light is gone. I know this will sound stupid, but for some reason, I thought my puppy had the secret to immortality. His heart was so big that it would never stop beating. He loved all of us with his whole heart, and I know there was still room for him to love more.

The reason for the music is because these are songs that remind me of my Sweet Boy, or are songs that I played for my Sweet Boy to get him to relax and go to sleep. "Goodbye" by Celine Dion is on there, is because Goodbye really is the hardest, sadest word I ever had to say, Pie Jesu was his favorite lullaby to go to sleep to. It did the trick every time.

Goodbye and "It's okay, sweety... You raised me just fine... it's okay to go now, if you're tired. I love you..." are the hardest words I will ever have to say. I know it's not goodbye forever... it's more like a prolonged "see ya later." Because I'll see him when I'm dead and up in heaven. Just like the lyrics say:

"It'll break my heart to hear you say goodbye,
'Till we meet again,
Until then, Goodbye..."

He was the best Dog any girl could ask for. And he is sorely missed.

You never stop grieving for lost ones. And it never stops hurting... you just get used to the pain and create a new routine.

When it comes to Euthanasia, please remember this, it's something my Grandmother and Grandfather told my mother, who then told my siblings and I: "Are you prolonging life? Or alaying death?"


Hunter "Freddy" Boston Sus
December 18th, 1998 - October 9th, 2011
'Till we meet again... Until then, Goodbye...

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